Actually, it’s been a while since it happened, some time in March. If he wasn’t a good friend, he was someone fun to hang out with. Honestly, before anything else occurred, I wasn’t really planning on having anything like that to do with him – romantically, sexually, whatevs. Kasi obvious naman na he’s up-to-no-good as a boyfriend, pabling-pabling. Well kung di man friendship, at least network (hindi naman networking pyraming chuchu), connection…gets mo? Basta, dagdag kilala! But one thing led to another, and it was pretty fast. From being acquaintances, to dance partners, kakulitan, to being in a relationship, if you can even call that a relationship. Anyhoo, nung una, I was regretting knowing him AT ALL. But looking at the mirror right now, what I’ve gone through with what I experienced from that earth-shaking episode or chapter in my life, it has somehow made me stronger. Kasi di ba as most of you people out there who know me well more than others, masyado akong transparent and honest with how I feel that some take advantage of it. Ngayon kahit papaano I can act out the opposite of how I really feel. I can show na I don’t care at all, even if deep inside nanggagalaiti na ako. Well, Jaja had a role with that din pala, she taught me how to do it e. And I’m forever thankful for that, hun. Siguro downside is I’ve been in touch with the wild child inside of me. Kasi when I went through two break ups in the past, kahit papano I wasn’t this way. Haha! Siguro it was my way of showing him na, “Akala mo ikaw lang?!? Aba ako rin!”. I’m not sure if I’m liking the way I turned out – I mean in that kind of way, but this is ME now…It’s either I hate myself for that or embrace what I’ve become – if I don’t, who will, right? Pero, I still have my limits. May takot pa rin ako with the consequences might be…so compared to other girls and boys, malayo pa rin naman ako…as per Direk Robby nga, may paninindigan pa rin ako with what I told them before when I just met them – I can do flirting for fun (leading ‘em on pwede rin, you know konting push ng buttons), but no all-nighters, if you know what I mean…Well siguro, there can be some exceptions. HAHAHA! As in rare exceptions ;P

Alala ko tuloy when I was still with Boogie Man, the guy I had a thing with before him (hey no sex! Flirting lang!), called me “Poker face”, kasi I was ignoring him most of the time, if pansinin ko man, hindi masyado as compared to before…Ang di n’ya alam, hindi poker face yun, yun talaga yun, as in yun yun – it is what it is. Kasi I learned doing “Poker face” was after the affair with BM pa nga.

All in all, it was a painful chapter in my book, but it was a part of what I’ve become right now. I’m not as rigid as before, I can let loose a li’l bit more…and it’s fun Not as timid, but not naman super aggresive. Pero compared to my past two relationships, mas masakit pa rin yung mga yun! As in hurricane, earthquake, tsunami – all rolled into one yung mga yun e. Dahil siguro bukod sa short-lived lang, somehow I’ve learned na from my past. Pero funny kasi ang haba ng recovery period compared dun sa “during”. ATTTT…akalain mo yun, Right Now (Na Na Na) is currently playing on iTunes, “Wish we never broke up….”. Well, there still are times that I wish that, pero mas lamang na ngayon yung moments na I think that I’m better off. Just like what I always tell myself, as well as other people, God let things happen for a reason. So this happened for a good reason. Whatever that is, someday I’ll realize that din. So for now, sabi nga ni Sef, there’s nothing to do but to “suck it up”, endure what it is, until it’s over. Because it will be over, this too shall pass. ;P

And if only I could turn back the hands of time, ala-Curious Case Of Benjamin Button, I’d rather have him as a friend, and should’ve stayed that way. I think he’d be a good pal, and the worst guy I’ve ever been with…so far. Sayang no? As what I tell my friends who want to hate him bec of what happened – Don’t hate him bec he can be a good friend, sablay lang talaga siguro as a boyfriend.

I’m just glad my happy wide smile is back again. And I only realized that when Steve asked me about it…ano raw meron. Kasi nga di ba since BM, chenes smile lang, napilitang smile at matamlay ako. Sabi nga ni Alex, I’m the most energetic (lively chuchu) person he knows, tapos ganun ako…so there’s something wrong daw. And I can dance hyper again! YAY!! Sana lang wag ma-jinx

Please, puso…MANAHIMIK ka muna! Options-options muna…Alam ko ‘di ka pa marunong nun, pero kaya natin matuto nun…pinagaaralan na nga natin di ba? Mapi-PhD din natin yan!

I’m sticking to the saying, wag manghinayang kasi madaming iba d’yan. At itatapon ko na ang usual na sagot ko na, “Madami nga, but he’s the only one I want…” Dahil marami d’yan talaga. And if that person was dumb enough to walk out of my life, I must be smart enough to let him go. Bec if a person wants to go, there’s nothing in this world that we can do to make them stay.

Sabi nga ni Mark Baquiran, MAGSMILE SA BUHAY!

PS.

It’s not that I’m condemning him as a bad person, at ganun na sya talaga. I still believe that a person can change, with the right person, for the reason/s, people change. I mean for the better, kasi given na yun na nagbabago tayo, tignan mo ko..for the worse nga lang hahaha! And I still wish him good in life, if not the best. And I hope that time would come for him pretty soon…even if it wasn’t with me.

As I promised Aram, my weekend escapade coming up next!